After last holiday season, I wrote a post (geared towards adults) about initiating conversations with kids like Will. Now with several family birthday parties (including his!) and the fall/winter holidays rapidly approaching, I thought it would be perfect time to write a guide for kids.
I often see children ignore Will because he isn't naturally comfortable in a group of rowdy kids. It takes him a while to warm up. But by the time he's warmed up, the other kids have moved on.
We realize that interaction is a two way street and are working on a regular basis with Will on good ways to join a group. He's getting better and better... but while he is improving this important skill, here are some tips to talk about with your child if they are going to get the chance to hang out with a cool kid like Will:
1) Greet him or return his greeting when you see him.
2) Say his name first to start a conversation.
3) If you are just chatting, ask him plenty of questions. This will get his conversation ball rolling.
4) Invite him to join the group in whatever they are doing. He might want to join and he might not, but an invitation greatly increases his chances of participation. If he doesn't want to join, that's okay. He is allowed to decide.
5) If he doesn't want to join you, consider joining him in what he is doing. Maybe just start by asking him what he's doing ("Hi, Will! What are you drawing/watching/playing? Can I draw/watch/play too?").
6) Or... decide together on something new to do ("Hey there, Will! I want to play with you... what sounds fun?")
7) Explain the rules of the game that is being played or explain the details of what the group is doing. Note: this is different from bossing him around. Another note: please don't boss him around.
8) If he turned down your first invitation to play, go find him again in a little while to see if he has changed his mind. Knowing that you are interested in him and want to spend time with him will make him feel more comfortable around you, which will start a gradual domino effect of lots of good things in the future.
9) When talking with him... if he makes a mistake (mixes up his words, says something that doesn't make sense to you, etc.)... don't point out his mistake or tease/mock him (to his face or to another friend). This is not kind or helpful. Instead, just continue on with the conversation. If you didn't understand what he said, just ask him.
10) Remember that just because communication is a little tricky for him sometimes, doesn't mean that he isn't smart. He is very intelligent. Talk to him like any other third grader you know.
11) Watch his sister, Liv, and do what she does. She is a natural and interacts with him in the most perfect ways.
12) Or simply... treat him how you want other kids to treat you. You know... The Golden Rule. ☺
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