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Disclaimer... If you are a teacher who is easily offended and defensive, please do not read this. Carry on with whatever you were doing and have a good day. If you are a teacher, or anyone else for that matter, who wants to try to understand the heart of families like ours... or if your family is like ours... then please read on.
I have been very hesitant to write a post like this for fear of hurting someone's feelings. In this small town, word travels fast. These letters express a lot of our struggles and frustrations, but are not singling out any one educator. Also, I do want to mention that there were many at his schools who were an exception to my feelings expressed here... who loved him (and still do!). I have expressed my appreciation to them personally. Many times. And these people know who they are. Love my son and I will love you forever. It's as easy as that. :)
This is hard for me to write because I used to be a public school teacher. And I know how difficult and under-valued the job is. I don't want to come across as anti-public school teacher. I am certainly not. I come from a family full of them and am close friends with just as many. I have also had many fantastic experiences with all my daughter's teachers over the years... but she's a different story.
I mean no harm... but feel it's important to shed light on our particular situation. I also think this will help me achieve some sort of closure, which is still very much needed as I was awfully emotional while writing these letters. I hope to enlighten people who are not in our shoes. And more importantly, I want to let those who wear similar shoes know that they are not alone.
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Dear Teacher,
We are all so excited for this year to start! Our boy has grown and matured over the summer and we have high hopes for a great school year. We know he is different from your other students but we are certain you will fall in love with him. He is amazing... you'll see.
Dear Teacher,
Ok... so things haven't started out as we had hoped. Thank you for your daily communication home. We know you are busy. We talk to him about how to get a smiley face report sent home. He is trying. Things will get better.
Dear Teacher,
He is very anxious about school lately. I will send in some suggestions that I think would be helpful. I'm not trying to step on your toes... I just know what typically works best and want to save you some time. I know you might not have had a student like him in your classes before. Let me help you understand how he is wired. I'd love if all my years of figuring him out could benefit you. We can be in this together and work to turn things around.
Dear Teacher,
I know you are getting tired of me. My notes, classroom drop-ins, and seeing me around the building for PTO business clearly irritate you. I know you feel like you are being watched. And you're right. Because when your child has a communication delay, he doesn't always report what happens at school, and I am not comfortable taking other people's word for it. I've seen and heard things throughout my son's school years that don't allow me the luxury of sitting back and relaxing. I believe you would be the same watchful parent to your child if you were in my shoes.
Dear Teacher,
I am feeling so sick today sending him back to school. Ever since he was lost from school, and finding him two blocks from the building, I have been physically ill. Literally. Every day. I can't stop my brain from replaying that day, that miserable hopeless feeling. I keep thinking about the "what ifs". It's nauseating and it's not going away. I'm not a big praying person, but I pray many times each day that you will protect my son. I can't even imagine...
Dear Teacher,
I know you are now tired of him, too, and I can barely stomach that thought. How can such a light in my life be the opposite to someone else? He requires extra work when you are already overworked. He needs directions repeated over and over. He needs re-directed a lot. Trust me... I know! I try to help you out by doing busy work, bringing in supplies, providing class treats, and giving nice gifts at the holidays. In my mind I think this helps balance the fact that you are so frustrated with my kid. I know you can see through me. But I don't know what else to do, so I keep doing it. I believe that your class is the best place for him in this school... but I sure wish this year had gone differently.
Dear Teacher,
Well, I managed to cry my way through another IEP meeting. Again. Damn it. I am always so embarrassed. I have been dreading this meeting for a month now, and it will take me through the weekend to recover. It's the same for me every time.
I cry for so many reasons. This just isn't working. He's so smart, and though you have done the best you know how, he isn't thriving here. I love this boy more than my own life and I want him to be happy and independent and successful by his terms... now and for the rest of his precious life. Sitting at that meeting... with one of me and seven of you... hearing all that is "wrong" with him (in the school's eyes), it is so overwhelming. I feel scared. And sad. And alone. And heartbroken. And angry. Yet at the same time...passionate, driven, persistent, and so full of unconditional love and pride for this incredibly special boy that I know so well. And I cry because I know this isn't right. School like this isn't going to be in his future, at least for now... and what does that mean for him? I cry because I am fighting so hard for some things to be the way I know they should be... and also for the way I wish other things would be. Thank you for trying, and I know you disagree with me, but we need to go.
Dear Teacher,
We started homeschooling... and it's going so great! I wish I had trusted my instincts and had been brave enough to do this from the start. I think everything is going to be okay now. And I know now that public school isn't designed for everyone... and that it's perfectly fine to go a different route. I learned that trying to force a child into an environment not designed for his success is traumatizing for him and the whole family. We are healing. I believe unique children like him are the best teachers in life... and I hope you were able take something positive from your time together. I thank you for your part in our journey because it led us to where we are now... and I wish you nothing but the best.
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